its been almost two months since i last blogged...
this is how i am...
i disappear...
then resurface...
then dwindle down...
keep quiet for a while...
and then go back...

hopefully this time its for keeps...

http://www.rheytarded.com

i am 'there' once again…

'there' in my dictionary means that place where I want to be but having second thoughts of being because of fear that its too much of a risk…

'there' is a sky dive- the thought of jumping is exhilirating, you know that the part where you are flying through mid air would be an out of this world experience, but the part where you are about to make that leap, that is the scariest… you know you are not going to die… but you think anything could go wrong… that the experience might not be worth it, although you know deep in your hear that IT IS worth it… but you freeze until that one person who's going to take that leap with you takes you by the hand and tells you to jump… and you do… and you scream your lungs out… but you don't die… you just fly….

'there' is that silent moment before the first kiss… you want to lean forward but you don't want to come out as cheap. You know he wants to kiss you. But he doesn't want to be aggressive. You're holding hands and the grip is tighter… until your eyes finally meet and agree that it is time… then your lips touch for the first time and you just melt…

'there' is that period before making the decision where you calculate your risks... although you have made up your mind and you know that you are going to do the right thing, you just want to assure yourself that the profit will be more valuable than the losses...

i am 'there' once again. i have made up my mind and allowed myself to be in the position where all i can do is move forward and take the leap... and yes, i do have someone holding my hand... there are moments when im still uncertain, but i know i am going to move forward...

i havent been blogging because... i am always at a loss for words... which is one of the reasons why i love deirdre's page. i can relate to her inner battles so well...

anyway, i want to keep posting though. until i find my zeal to keep doing it again...
so what im gonna do is just put any stuff as long as i get to post...

today i posted this on the friendster bulletin board...