i need to get this out of my system before my system explodes and goes haywire.
...
but then again i changed my mind.
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nobody really visits my friendster profile. i get a visitor stat of about 50 a month, even less. but because of a recent picture of me hugging a good looking 15 year old kid that doesnt even look like he's anything below 20, my visitor stats suddenly shot up to above 100 in less than 3 days.
iba talaga ang nagagawa ng chismis. :)
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i got a text message the other day from a guy i barely see and talk to around 3 in the morning. He was apologizing for sounding 'mayabang' (proud? im not good at translations) during our brief exchange of carbon dioxide earlier that day. He claims he really isnt that and i shouldnt think he is that at all. and ofcourse there is that 'hehehehe' in the end. :p
I remember talking to a friend of mine about the guy because he saw me talking to him that day. We both agreed that he was 'gwapo' (hehehe). I will not deny that he is good looking but its just that i probably do not see enough of him to really care.
I replied and told him he was corny and that i didnt really notice that he was 'mayabang' when we were talking. and i probably mentioned something stupid that i really dont remember... something about table tennis and stuff.
So he replied agian at 2 in the morning, agreeing that he is corny and that we should play table tennis.
And that got me... i had to smile and let the 'kilig' wash over me. I am not a hypocrite to deny that i have a crush on this guy. He is cute and athletic (we played table tennis once and he has a 12 year old racket that is sooo cool) and he seems nice. but he has a gf (why are ALL guys unavailable? seriously...) and we have to keep our distances because people like him do not mingle with people like me unless...
unless...
ofcourse i did something stupid and replied and maybe, i flirted a little...
he didnt text me the following night...
so i sent him a message the following morning and told him i was actually expecting an SMS at two in the morning...
but silence ensued.
i had other things occuppying my mind that day like work, classes and paranoia dilemma. but on my way home, he sent me a message asking about a website and i replied... and we kept texting for more than an hour... enjoyed every minute of it. got on to YM, chatted for about an hour... enjoyed every minute of it... exchanged good nights, and slept with a smile on my pathetic face.
he still texted me something at 3 am about good trees and good persons...
i texted back with a stupid quote about God leading us to one another because we were both crazy... or something like that.
but seriously! people like him do not mingle with people like me...
let me talk about my insecurities for a while... i have never been the person strangers strike a conversation with at parties or gatherings. i am usually the one sitting on the armchair in the corner with a cup in her hand trying her best not to fall asleep... i am not that interesting to look at. although i am noticeably tall, i am over all plain. Although once someone does strike a conversation with me, i am charming interesting and delightful (o really?!) unless of course they are looking to get laid... i have a cousin who is so beautiful, people stop to stare at her. and chances are when people (im not close to) do talk to me, it is because they want to get close to this cousin of mine... or they want a favor...
this guy describes himself as over all 'praning'- meticulous when it comes to details within details. he tinkers with metadata and technology which i guess is a + + since i am quite a techie myself. He claims he does not sleep because he thinks too much about these things, curiousity robbing him of fatigue.
In some ways, i am a bit 'praning' too. but only when it comes to people. Its just that I dont like getting disappointed. As a matter of fact, i dwell on disappointments too much. I have close friends who do not know me well because i just dont talk. I do not sleep thinking about the people around me... about individuals who are starting to get close... should i let them in and let them get to know me? do they really want to get to know me?... coz it seems like everytime i try to talk, i find out that they're not really listening...
i had the same kind of relationship with my 'friend with benefits'. when he told me that we share so much that we knew one another enough to understand and accept the differences... my mistake was i believed him and i let him in... but in the end, he disappointed me... i was wrong to assume that he was really speaking the truth- that we had a connection... but he said that how he treats me now is how he treated me then... so i guess, there was really nothing there... and whatever connection i might have felt was caused by some static due to excited electrolytes in the air or raging hormones...
im not supposing that mr 12year-old-table tennis-racket might be interested in me... in my dreams, i am hoping that he is... but reality bites like the summer heat (53 degrees out here!) and you lay out the facts that there is no way that would be possible... not because I am not his type (goodness knows what his type is) or that he has a girlfriend (crushes happen all the time) but because these things never happen to me... and you just reach a point that you have to quit hoping that it will.
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im serious that only a few ever gets this far to reading my entries... even my friends who tell me that i never talk do not read my blog... ofcourse there is
paolo, who mentioned my blog during his
blogdrop who i think will always be an exception to anything... :)
but i gotta say, you have to let it out even if there is no audience... it doesnt matter if the tree fell and no one heard that it did... what matters is that it fell...
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***so... pao, i changed ping pong to table tennis... hehehehe
hehehehe.
im giggling
Rock Shrank is around 7 years old. he is made out of lava and lives in one of the volcanoes in the sun called Plutozhi. Plutozhi is one of the minor volcanoes on the Sun's surface, and one of the few populated ones. The main characteristic of this place is that it does not emit yellow or orange flames, but blue flame. This volcano is also so small it is inside a villa on the sun. So there is a villa, and inside the villa, you can find Plutozhi.
