i wont be blogging over the weekend (friday and Saturday) so i would like write today...
uhm... uh... ooh... mind is blank... ooh aaah...
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i was looking through my old entries that dated as far as May of 2004. and for the first few 100 entries all i ever talked about was Mike and how much 'love'i had for him. which is really funny because i can not even recall by re'feeling' whatever it was that i had back then. He is like a big black dot in my past. I know its there but its covered with black.. plain null, void, black. i cannot imagine being so intensely involved in that relationship. So involved to the point of losing my senses and will to do the right things... and look at us now. mike has evolved from the strong willed, all powerful, responsible person that he was (atleast i thought he was, or it was love being blind taking its toll on me) to a self-righteous 'closet queen' and i am still the same.
so here i am doing what it was that i predicted i would do after we broke up and i was still heart broken...
IM LAUGHING MY ASS OUT AT HOW STUPID I WAS.
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some blogging updates.
i will be migrating to wordpress in a few weeks... its not because i am going to start taking blogging seriously (i am an exception to your blogdrop theories pao!)... but just that i need to make use of the webspace and domain i am subscribing to and foo made such a big deal about it. Doing everypage in CSS or HTML will take up too much work. and i was really looking forward to doing more customizations on the blog... not that i have a really big bandwidth...
.... more to follow
the beauty of nature...
got these pics off of
foo's buzznet site...
pretty good shots!
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speaking of insects..
wala lang... speaking of insects lang.
im tayerd.
more than 50 hours... less than 4 hours sleep...
wow... im a zombie!
we do not need sleep to get through our day
i was drifiting through the day with my eyes half closed, half awake because i didnt sleep last night. insomnia was washing over me, and i guess to finally be reunited with a guitar filled me with ecstasy no one can explain. i am still finding it hard to explain but im trying to...
so i spent around more than 5 hours with my guitar... the rest of the sleepless night, i was just lounging, sitting, doing practically nothing... i have become an expert at staring off to space and just going blank. i think i should do it professionaly.
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i should be sleeping. but once again, i am thinking of things that are useless and wasting my time on fruitless endeavors that would only end up with a substantial amount of loss in my part. But in life, we gamble everything, take risks, and put our hearts on the line... most of the time we lose, but just the one time we win makes up for all the loss we ever encountered.
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When a guy calls you, he wants to be with you
FICTION: actually i think when a guy calls you, he wants you to do him a favor. i mean, seriously, its a rare thing for guys to just randomly call anyone. the male specie are users, they will never remmber you unless they really need something from you.
ok so i made this post about a day ago... or osmethng. and i have had this happen to me for soooo manyyy milliooon times. even really close friends never call to say hey... usually they need something or they want to ask for a favor... and i am a sucker for that. i am a sucker for doing favors. or so it seems. maybe its the inherent need to be liked and to please people.
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im muttering. i dont even know if im making sense... all i know is im sleepy and i need to close my eyes, even for a little while.
once again. a paradigm shift
i do not therefore conclude... (the beginnings of a totalitarian statement except that i conclude to contradict.)
sometimes we judge too quickly especially when we are on the receiving end... whether someone shouts at us, treats us wrongly, gives us the cold shoulder or gives us an indecent proposal we act quickly on marking these people as 'bad'. i mean, there are a million factors that should be evident before we make such judgements... and i think an isolated incident is not sufficient for such labelling.
so maybe i am too soft. maybe. because just a slight bit of friendship and kindess, or even just a hint of decency has already convinced me that there is more to this person than i must have concluded. I have not blogged the issue formally, but i have made my disappointments evident. so im sorry for those who emphatized because i might be changing my mind (again)...
ill give it some more time before i finally brand him and shut the books. right now, maybe all this person needs is someone who would try to understand, reprimand and maybe, change him...
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i didnt sleep again. im going to be tired and sloppy at work tomorrow, i mean today. i mean maybe i shouldnt come to work... lol
i want to be a rockstar... seriously.
