so im repeating this mantra over and over again

 

- im happy, i should show it.

 

i finally realized that the reason why i get so easily upset is because i make myself upset.

 

so everytime i wake up, and i get ready to go to the gym (yes i am finally exercising again- bwahahaha... ) i tell myself, why should i fret about the things that i don't, can't and will never have when i have so much already?...

 

zeeeen........aaaaaaaaaaaaah
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i was surfing once again for content since i started ignoring whatever dissatisfied me and i couldnt come up with anything. didnt want to post any surveys since i already do that on Friendster and i didnt want to take any tests and post the results here. so im just a bored blogger blogging about the boringness that is my life...

 

however in response to Paolo's entry about the top 10 most influential Pinoy blogs, i did manage to come up with a bunch of things why my blog did not make it to that top 10... i am not a sore loser, but this is an assessment of how far i have taken this blog. *snigger* (which is not so far)

 

> i dont have a theme. most blogs have themes. they blog about tech stuff or they emanate the techiness that is in their blood when describing their lives. there are also the artists who just by the layout, you can say 'wow'... and you can say 'wow' further after reading them discuss their emotions with artsy fartsy adjectives... there are the participative blogs who blog about anything under the sun but ask readers opinions about em. and then there are the writer's blogs, who have the talent to write and persuade anyone to stay longer and read.
RESOLUTION: start a theme!

 

> the first point therefore results to very low readership. i only have around 5 readers and only about two to three of those readers leave comments. which means i have written something these readers could not relate to. ofcourse, i write for me, and the journal that i have that is my blog is for me, but i like writing with interactions. i like it better when people interact with what i say. its encouraging :p
RESOLUTION: get more readers? i dont know... lol

 

> i dont enjoy myself much, so how can i expect other people to enjoy me. anyway i should also stop this unfriendly effect and go out and be friendly... and blog drop... and chat more... lol
RESOLUTION: be friendly, go out, enjoy myself, blogdrop, chat more

 

> hmmm what else is wrong with my blog? it needs attitude. so.. here's my attitude :)

 

i really cant think of anything... wanted to post this before i slept.

 

sayonara folks.

secret nga eh...
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how can you bring positive vibes into your life?

 

intend it!

i probably have a great personality... but not great enough...

 

i have noticed most of the time that for those who do not know me well, they adore me when they havent taken a closer look... but once we do meet up and we hang out... my face just does not seem to match my personality, or what they expected of me... and whatever closeness we shared (over the phone, text messaging, online), before the time we spend together in real life, vanishes into thin air right after the meeting... they leave me hanging... expecting... waiting?...

 

which is why i never hide my face. who ever i meet online, i never wait for the perfect picture to come along before sending mine. its take it or leave it... ofcourse, i have always been photogenic (yes ang yabang!) so i guess that also does not count. but i have no inhibitions about webcams (no shows) or pic exchange... i am me. and my face is me. my fat is me. this is me.

 

just a tad bit frustrated about this same thing happening again... i expected it though, but at the back of my mind i wanted this one to be different... i already told myself that 'hey he's ajerk!' and i also told him that guys like him eventually turn out to be a jerk. he said no (ofcourse) and i guess i wanted him to prove himself. but he didnt even try. and disappointments will always be disappointments... and no matter how much you prepare yourself, it will always hurt, even for a little bit...
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as you noticed i changed my layout (agehhhhn?). I think the black background made me feel too gloomy. and yes i was pretty gloomy. and negative... so maybe the white and blue cheery colors would help me lighten up and start writing more happier entries... color does affect the mood a great deal... and i think im ready for change...

the other day i was too pissed to explain exactly why i was very happy. its good that i didnt, then i would have dwelt too much on the bright side of things.

 

i hate that about me. i dwell on the bright side too much when things go right. and when i say dwell, i mean the world is totally spinning on its axis... its perfect. life becomes perfect.

 

but you know life... its also deceiving.

 

so my perfect day was just a stop at a beautiful place... its not my destination, its just a stop. so as soon as i got back on the bus headed to my destination, the same nauseating odor washed over me, and the impending reality that is my life jerked me back to face it.

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its better to be pessimistic and expect the worst than to always think on the bright side and get disappointed.

 

you save yourself the heartache of being let down...

 

i slept for 8 hours today. and i had a lot of chances to get up and do something but my body betrayed me... the spirit was willing but the flesh was toooo weak.

 

its my dad's 50th bday today. and he decided to spend it on the couch watching tv...

----

my body hurts. i got my bloody thing today. which is the best explanation of my recent outburst about religion and stuff. i get moody and irritable and sensitive around these times... well i am already that during normal days but its quadrupled when i have my period... so any normal reaction is multiplied gazilion times...

 

anyway, i went to check my friendster messages today and saw this on the bulletin board from an old friend... made my blood boil

 

 

and another one..

ok... so i love posting surveys... its funny... and at the same time i get to see what other people answer to the same questions... its like an informal conversation... ever been hit by the 'slam book' phase?

 

so i had to retaliate... this kid is a lot younger than me... around 5 to 6 years and he use to be a midget who loved wearing my sandals...

 

this was my reply...

 

i wanted to write more... i wanted to say he was being such an ass... and more... but i got tired and wanted to take a nap... anyway, the moment has passed and it would be weird to send him another message as a follow up of the things i didnt get to write...

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and it was the hormones talking... not me...