monday night is usually pingpong night for the fiance and me. but since i just got better from a very bad case of asthma, he decided to work on our wedding instead... booriing... :)

i wanted the wedding out of town, away from the noise and gate crashers :). not that im a celebrity, but people have an annoying habit of not RSVPing and then changing their minds at the last minute because they have nothing to do... i also wanted a beach wedding where we had the beach as a background. but since we really could not afford a beach wedding out of town, we finally settled for a place we could afford.
its not really a bad looking place. actually, when i first attended an event in this restaurant, i fell in love with the glass walls overlooking a small boating lake. This restaurant happens to be inside one of the parks in the heart of Dubai, 5 minutes away from my house, so there's a lot of greenery. the only issue i had with the venue was that i referred a friend of mine to get married at this same place a year ago. i dont know whats wrong with me, but i just wanted something different...

anyway, the owner being a friend of mine, gave me a good deal and promised to help me out big time.

fiance just wanted to get the issue about the venue settled. i was a little hesitant but after discussing where we could have the ceremony inside the park, i finally decided to go for it. we really needed to have a venue to start preparing for the other issues like flowers and stuff... we have less than 4 months to go.

now i need to start working on my invites...

Its my first day back to work and i spent roughly 2 hours clearing up my inbox. Though i have read most of myemails while i was sick at home, i procrastinated replying to most of them.
So today, i had to address quite a number of pending issues which got me preoccuppied a good part of the day.

Things slowed down after 12 though, and i foudn myself yearning for a nap.
however, instead of getting that nap during my lunch break, i went to eat chicken instead.

i drank my meds and now its 4:17 pm and i just want to sleep.

i miss my bed...

i woke up at 8:30 today. not my typical saturday morning schedule. usually, i would sleep till 12 in the afternoon but today i woke up early because ive had too much rest the past few days... its already 4 pm and the only productive thing that i accomplished today was go to my tutorials that i didnt get to go to for two sessions because of my asthma. i coughed in her face most of the time but we got through two subjects, did a lot of brain storming and i gave her ideas on her assignments. i enjoy my tutorials. it doesnt pay much but the extra money is needed and i get to brush up on my math and english basics. wished i could do more tutorials... so that i can afford the wedding that i want. last night i made a couple of earrings that i want to sell. i hope i can sell them soon. i also have the clickincloset stuff... which i hanvet touched for a while. i think i should work on those today... anyhoo. i dont have plans anymore. i thought i did, but it looks like somoene is getting tired of me.

i have done a lot of very bad investments in the past 5 years- emotional, monetary, time, and intellection. I have resolved to make amends but to no avail, i am still where i was five years ago- NOWHERE. i have tried to start a band, start a blog, run a business, try to teach, take up classes, lose weight, join the marathon, stop eating rice, learn tchaikovsky's four seasons (autumn) on the violin, master my classical guitar, sell handmade jewellery, water color, sketch, design my webpage, work on my portfolio, learn to speak french, arabic, german, practice pingpong, clean up my wardrobe, maintain my eyebrows, take up driving lessons, control my impulsive shopping, get rid of my credit cards, get out of debt, move to another country, practice my piano everyday, etc etc... i have not accomplished anything at all... what sucks is, i dont know what i really want anymore... im suppose to be planning a wedding that will be happening in 120 days, but i cant seem to put my nose into what i want... do i really want an ok wedding? am i stupid to want a nice wedding? is it really worth the time and effort to pretend that im okay with just a mediocre wedding? or should i just say, no lets stop kidding ourselves... i can live without a wedding... phooey. ill just wear my wedding gown to work.

its been almost two months since i last blogged...
this is how i am...
i disappear...
then resurface...
then dwindle down...
keep quiet for a while...
and then go back...

hopefully this time its for keeps...

http://www.rheytarded.com